1. Teleport to Varrock and speak to Andrew Gower in the cabbage farm South East of the lodestone. The Gower brothers will tell you their cabbage patch has stopped working and they want your help.
   
   
   
   
2. You now need to make a Cabbagespeak amulet. The components needed are all on the farm. Search the water barrel outside the farmhouse. You will receive a Brussels sprout.
   
   
   
   
3. Next search the crate on the West room. You will get a Pure essence. Flip it for a Life rune.
   
   
   
   
4. Search the food trough in the rat pen, East of the brothers. You will find a Broccoli root. Use the spinning wheel just South of the brothers' room to spin the root into a String.
   
   
   
   
5. Search the scarecrow on the West for a Cruciferous mounting. Use this with the Brussels sprout to make an Brassica amulet(unstrung), then use the String with it to make a Brassica amulet. Use the Life rune on the amulet to make a Cabbagespeak amulet.
   
   
   
   
6. Speak to Crispy the cabbage who will reveal that they are rioting because they want partyhats.
   
   
   
   
7. Speak to the Gower brothers. Ian will hand you 4 Pink partyhats. Go back to Crispy and give the partyhats to it. The cabbages will be happy and Crispy will offer to come along and help you figure out why cabbages aren't growing.
   
   
   
   
8. Go back to the Gower brothers and speak to them again. You tell them that you need a Disk of returning to find out why the cabbages aren't growing and Andrew will give you one.
   
   
   
   
9. Go to the Dwarven Mines North East of Falador and use the Disk of returning to scan for the exact location to "Behind the scenes".
   
   Note: The exact location varies between players, however, they all seem to be in the same general area of the mine.
   
   
   
   
10. The view will fade to white then become black, you will are now in a black hole. For the next few steps you will not be able to see anything in the hole (it’s too dark), so you will need to move your cursor around to find these objects and locations. First, search the table nearby (you can't see it unless you point your mouse over it) and you will get a Rock.
    
    
    
    
11. Throw the Rock at the wall and you will hear something open. Look under the table for a Basket of oranges. Take an Orange from it and eat it. You will get a Small key. Use it with the bumpy wall and you will get a Tinderbox.
    
    
    
    
12. Use the Tinderbox with the scary wispy thing and a Skull will fall down. Pick it up and use it with the unusual shape west of the table. A gate of Lloigh-enn will show up. Go through it.
    
    
    
    
13. You will be in a small office room behind the scenes with Thordur on the seat. Talk to Thordur and choose any option. You will be teleported to another area.
    
    
    
    
14. Talk to Spiral Orb and he tells you the Life altar got destroyed so you need to find three Life altar fragments. Lucien has the first piece, Steve the chaos elemental has the second and Thok has the third. You need to speak to them in the Behind the Scenes pub.
    
    
    
    
15. Lucien is North West of Spiral Orb, just behind Araxxor. Talking with Lucian he will tell you that he had a piece of the Life Altar, but the Wise Old man stole it and put it in his bank. You will now need to execute a bank robbery. Enter the Central Bank Portal behind Lucien and scope out the bank.
    
    
    
    
16. In the bank talk to Claire Hick; she will say you are not on the list – distracting her is one of the 4 jobs you will need to hire for. Talk to Ernie; he will tell you that only authorized personnel are allowed – finding someone to make Ernie move out of the way is another job you will need to hire for. Lastly, look at the Locked vault door. Here you will find the last two jobs you need to hire for – one vault to break through, and one safe to crack.
    
    
    
    
17. Leave the bank and return to the pub; you now have to talk to the bar patrons to recruit 4 helpers. Go directly South of Lucien and talk to Romeo. To acquire his assistance, you will first need to collect 5 pieces of romantic advice from the God Wars bosses. They can be found around a table; either just past Steve, or to the far East (the bar is the same space repeated over and over again). Once you have talked to all 5 of the God War bosses, return to Romeo and give him the advice. He will then tell you that he will meet you in the bank.
    
    
    
    
18. Next you will need to talk to Guthix, located just South East of Spiral Orb. Before he will help you, Guthix wants you to get him an acting job with the cabbages. On the North side of the bar you will see a table surrounded by cabbages. Speak to one of the cabbages and you will find out they are working on a new play and need someone to play the part of Guthix. You will inform them you know someone who would be perfect for the part, they will gladly accept. Return to Guthix to inform him; he will then meet you at the bank.
    
    
    
    
19. Return to where you talked to Romeo and head slightly North to Sphenishchev. Talking with the penguin he will instantly agree to help you. No need to complete a mission for him to agree. However, because he lacks the dexterity of a human hand, you will be required to help him crack the safe. Upon agreeing with him he says he will meet you at the bank.
    
    
    
    
20. The last of the recruits are Tim and Crunchy. They are found at the table just East of Sphenishchev. Before Tim and Crunchy will help you, you must give each of the Environment artists around the bar a cup of tea. The tea can be acquired for free by talking to any of the bartenders. Once you have “watered all the artists” Crunchy and Tim will meet you in the bank.
    
    
    
    Note: The image below is the location of the Environment artists around the bar. The blue dots are them, the white “here I am” dot is standing with Crunchy and Tim; the location in the image above.
    
    
    
    
21. Enter the Bank portal and talk to Romeo. You will confirm it is time to start the break-in and he will ask you to play wingman for his wooing of Claire. After a brief chat Romeo and Claire will teleport off, leaving the scrying crystal unwatched.
    
    
    
    
22. Walk West and talk to Guthix. He will ask you to introduce him to Ernie, then pretend to be the Bank owner and critique Ernie’s uniform. Guthix will tell the guard he needs to fix up his uniform or he will be thrown out of the Bank Guard’s Guild. Surprisingly this works and Ernie hurries off to correct his gear.
    
    
    
    
23. Step East and talk to Crunchy and Tim. Tim tells you to check out the door, pauses to delete it, and a few moments later (when the server refreshes) the door is gone leaving you a clear path to the safe.
    
    
    
    
24. Now talk to Sphenishchev. He will “remind” you that he is here to help open the safe. Step through the vault and “Open Bank Safety Box”. Even though you’ve forgotten him again, Sphenishchev will walk you through opening the safety box. Once opened search it and you will find the Life altar fragment 1.
    
    
    
    
25. Steve the Chaos Elemental can be found Directly South of the Bank portal; near Beastmaster Durzag and Clawdia. Steve will inform you that the piece he saw flew into the Grand Exchange. Enter the portal just South of Steve. Here you will have to complete a pipe puzzle to get the piece. The pipe pieces must remain 1 size throughout its trip from left to right. Once the puzzle is complete you will receive the Life altar fragment 2.
    
    
    
    
    
    
26. Thok is in the North Eastern part of the pub; just West of the Bank portal and Lucien, North of the God War bosses. He tells you that you will need to go through the portal with "unfinished blue boxes" to the "Room of Beating" to get one of the fragments.
    
    
    
    
27. Go through the Beta Room portal and talk to Max. He says he will give you his fragment if you max all the skills in the beta room. The skills are Bankstanding, Riding and Sailing.
    
    
    
    
28. Go through the first door to start Riding. Follow the emotes performed by the tutor and you will get 99 in no time.
    
    
    
    
29. The green door on the Southern wall leads to the Sailing skill area. You need both hands to be free. Embark Jetty to start. You will don a ship costume then set sail. Walk the “ocean” and search Desert islands and Bubbling water as they spawn, and fire at battleships until you get 99. Searching Desert islands seems to produce the most xp.
    
    
    
    
30. Enter the second green door on the Northern part of the wall for the Bankstanding skill. Just stand in the bank to gain xp. You will wander off from time to time so keep entering the bank when that happens.
    
    
    
    
31. Talk to Max after maxing all 3 skills for Life altar fragment 3. Leave the room, using the box where you entered at, then go through the Life altar portal located directly South of the Beta Room Portal.
    
    
    
    
32. Investigate the altar; a Black knight titan will show, and you will need to kill him 3 times. A cutscene will happen and you will need to kill the Black knight titan 3 more times. After this some dialogue between you, Andrew, and the Black knight titan.
    
    

Congratulations! Quest Completed!

Additional Rewards:

Speak to the Gower brothers at the end.

• If you have at least level 10 in all F2P skills, you will receive a lamp worth 250 experience from Ian.
• If you have at least level 30 in all F2P skills, you will receive a lamp worth 1,500 experience from Paul.
• If you have at least level 50 in all F2P skills, you will receive a lamp worth 12,000 experience from Andrew.